Mapping out My Depression
It is funny how depression can stop you right in your tracks. It can be a song, a T.V. show, a movie, are just trying to live life everyday. But for me I have a lot of to much time to think about things now that I have been on my own. But I can track when my depression really started.
I would have to say that it all started back near the end of 2007. For use that worked in new home construction, most of the places had stopped building new homes. The company that I worked for went from 150 plus to round 70 in just weeks. Work schedules were reduced. I was asked to work about 24 hours a week but I got them to bump it up to 30 hours. Around the end of the year my boss came to me and told me that they knew that I was going to graduate from ASU in May, and that they wanted to keep me as the Warehouse manager and purchase for the company. This would mean a big bump in pay.
About a month later, 2008, He comes to me again and tells me that they are not able to move with the plans like they wanted to, but told me that it was a plan in the future and that I still had a job. Around this time I find out the I hurt my left leg. Not just hurt but, it is a tare in the Achilles tendon in the leg. And my mom has gone into the hospital, and we find out that she has stage 4 colon cancer. So on in January of 2008, I lose a promotion but keep my job, only working 30 hours a week, start my last class at ASU, hurt my leg so bad that it is hard to walk on, and find out that my mother was close to death and has stage 4 colon cancer.
By April the company goes through another change. I am the only one left in the warehouse. I am left to do everything every day basically by myself and do it in 5 or 6 hours a day. I am doing my best at work, but I find myself crying everyday, because I just can not do what they want me to do, and I can not deliver. My graduation is in May, the exact week my mom starts her chemo. And I watch her get sick doing it.
The last day of January is inventory day for the company. A little bit of extra time of these days. But I get told to see Terry before I leave for the night. I finish up my work and go see Terry and am told that because things have not improved with the business I am laid off. 16 an half years at the same business. I was not mad. I understood. I watched the company go from 150+ to now 11 employees. I was one of the last laid off.
I went out and looked for a new job. I applied for warehouse jobs and other jobs as well. I did not get an interview with a company until October, and got a second interview a few weeks later. But did not get the job. Me and my dad had been working on getting a company started with the transmission kits that he designed. I worked on getting the business set up, getting us on the Internet, and getting manuals ready for the products. By November we find out that cancer is back, but this time in the lungs of my mom. She starts chemo again the first part of 2010.
During this time I was still looking for work, working with my dad, but now the business was official, and my mom had gone through her second round of chemo. By October of 2010, My mom had to go back and find out if she was cancer free. We had also planned a trip to Utah to a cousins reunion. We were to find out the results just a few days before the trip. The results were in and the cancer had returned to the lungs again. We went on the trip to Utah and did not tell anyone that she was about to go through her third round of chemo.
March is a big month for our family, it is my mom's, dad's and my nephew Jensen's Birthday. But this time in 2011, my sister and her family were getting ready to move to Dallas near the end of the month. But as we began to celebrate my mom's birthday, she was back in the hospital again. It did not seem that bad. But on the 15th we got the bad news. I was meant with my dad and the doctor looking at pictures of my mothers lungs that looked like Swiss cheese. By that night the cancer doctor came in and gave her the news that she only had a few weeks to live. The was the 15th of March. On the 16th she was gone. With in 24 hours of finding out the news.
We buried mom a week later and then Jayme was off to Dallas. She was back in June for a convention and with new news, she was getting divorced. With in this time, my dad was getting rid of all my mom's stuff. By July he was going around telling people that we did not want him dating anyone. And in July he meet Bert. After that he was spending all of his time with Bert, with me taking a back seat.
In February, Kim's dad went into the hospital with a heart attack. He had two opinions, to do a risky operation or go home and die. We all choice the risky operation, a choice I have regrated ever since. The operation was a success, but he had compilation from when he had cancer, and he did not recover. He died a month later. March 13, 2012. About this same time I had a big fight with my dad. So much that he banned me from the house, and changed all the locks.
After my father-in-laws funeral, I told my dad I was sorry for the fight. But this did not change things. He did not want me over there, unless he was there. This has made it hard on the business end, because, he is never there.
In June of 2012, Kim came to me and told me that things needed to change. So I tried my best to change things. But she was not happy, so at the end of July she came back and said that she was leaving. She finally left in September. Well a year later and she has now served me with divorce papers. So in a few months I will be divorced, something I do not really want.
So this is were I sit. About 5 years of bad luck. I continue to pray that things will get better. That I will find that job that will solve a lot of the problem, and to finally be happy. I hope that comes soon!
I would have to say that it all started back near the end of 2007. For use that worked in new home construction, most of the places had stopped building new homes. The company that I worked for went from 150 plus to round 70 in just weeks. Work schedules were reduced. I was asked to work about 24 hours a week but I got them to bump it up to 30 hours. Around the end of the year my boss came to me and told me that they knew that I was going to graduate from ASU in May, and that they wanted to keep me as the Warehouse manager and purchase for the company. This would mean a big bump in pay.
About a month later, 2008, He comes to me again and tells me that they are not able to move with the plans like they wanted to, but told me that it was a plan in the future and that I still had a job. Around this time I find out the I hurt my left leg. Not just hurt but, it is a tare in the Achilles tendon in the leg. And my mom has gone into the hospital, and we find out that she has stage 4 colon cancer. So on in January of 2008, I lose a promotion but keep my job, only working 30 hours a week, start my last class at ASU, hurt my leg so bad that it is hard to walk on, and find out that my mother was close to death and has stage 4 colon cancer.
By April the company goes through another change. I am the only one left in the warehouse. I am left to do everything every day basically by myself and do it in 5 or 6 hours a day. I am doing my best at work, but I find myself crying everyday, because I just can not do what they want me to do, and I can not deliver. My graduation is in May, the exact week my mom starts her chemo. And I watch her get sick doing it.
The last day of January is inventory day for the company. A little bit of extra time of these days. But I get told to see Terry before I leave for the night. I finish up my work and go see Terry and am told that because things have not improved with the business I am laid off. 16 an half years at the same business. I was not mad. I understood. I watched the company go from 150+ to now 11 employees. I was one of the last laid off.
I went out and looked for a new job. I applied for warehouse jobs and other jobs as well. I did not get an interview with a company until October, and got a second interview a few weeks later. But did not get the job. Me and my dad had been working on getting a company started with the transmission kits that he designed. I worked on getting the business set up, getting us on the Internet, and getting manuals ready for the products. By November we find out that cancer is back, but this time in the lungs of my mom. She starts chemo again the first part of 2010.
During this time I was still looking for work, working with my dad, but now the business was official, and my mom had gone through her second round of chemo. By October of 2010, My mom had to go back and find out if she was cancer free. We had also planned a trip to Utah to a cousins reunion. We were to find out the results just a few days before the trip. The results were in and the cancer had returned to the lungs again. We went on the trip to Utah and did not tell anyone that she was about to go through her third round of chemo.
March is a big month for our family, it is my mom's, dad's and my nephew Jensen's Birthday. But this time in 2011, my sister and her family were getting ready to move to Dallas near the end of the month. But as we began to celebrate my mom's birthday, she was back in the hospital again. It did not seem that bad. But on the 15th we got the bad news. I was meant with my dad and the doctor looking at pictures of my mothers lungs that looked like Swiss cheese. By that night the cancer doctor came in and gave her the news that she only had a few weeks to live. The was the 15th of March. On the 16th she was gone. With in 24 hours of finding out the news.
We buried mom a week later and then Jayme was off to Dallas. She was back in June for a convention and with new news, she was getting divorced. With in this time, my dad was getting rid of all my mom's stuff. By July he was going around telling people that we did not want him dating anyone. And in July he meet Bert. After that he was spending all of his time with Bert, with me taking a back seat.
In February, Kim's dad went into the hospital with a heart attack. He had two opinions, to do a risky operation or go home and die. We all choice the risky operation, a choice I have regrated ever since. The operation was a success, but he had compilation from when he had cancer, and he did not recover. He died a month later. March 13, 2012. About this same time I had a big fight with my dad. So much that he banned me from the house, and changed all the locks.
After my father-in-laws funeral, I told my dad I was sorry for the fight. But this did not change things. He did not want me over there, unless he was there. This has made it hard on the business end, because, he is never there.
In June of 2012, Kim came to me and told me that things needed to change. So I tried my best to change things. But she was not happy, so at the end of July she came back and said that she was leaving. She finally left in September. Well a year later and she has now served me with divorce papers. So in a few months I will be divorced, something I do not really want.
So this is were I sit. About 5 years of bad luck. I continue to pray that things will get better. That I will find that job that will solve a lot of the problem, and to finally be happy. I hope that comes soon!
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