Grow Up?


Well the past few days I have been told by people close to me to, "grow up".  Here is the problem, what is grown up?  No really, I want to know.  Because for a long time I have been trying to feel my age or act my age, and I guess I am not doing a very good job of it.  Is there a card that you get when you achieve being grown up?

For 22 years I was married.  I worked at the same company for 17 years.  I got my degree in Political Science.  And I served a mission in a foreign country for my church.  But at 44 almost 45, and I still do not feel grown up.  I have lost the married of 22 years with no child, lost my job when the economy went south, and I have a degree that I don't have a clue what to do with.  So I am truly lost.

The feeling of not being grown up, did not bother me in my 20's.  But when I reached my 30's it started to bother me.  I was still going to school and married with no kids.  The no kids thing really bothered me, and at times made me feel like I was not like everyone else my age.  I was not any better than they were, but felt like this lower life form.  This it truly hit me, when in Priesthood meeting, the Elders Quorum President was teaching the lesson and said, having kid, made him feel like he knew what if felt like to be God.  That was a very painful statement to take.

So here I set almost 45, no marriage, no job, one very friend, and still searching for a reason to be here.  Maybe they are right.  Maybe I am not a grown up.  But I hope to be one some day.

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