Mourning the Lose, not the Death!

Sandta Close's Burial, March 22, 2011
I was talking to one of my friends in Ireland, she said that she was going to Boston to see a friend that was dying of cancer.  This brought back the memory of my mom.  One day to be told that you have weeks to live and then to be gone the next.  I think it was better for her to go the way she did, then have to wait days or weeks wondering when the day or time of your death is at hand.

The Close family at my Graduation at ASU 2008.
We found out about my mom's cancer Jan. 2008.  It was stage 4 colon cancer, they did surgery to take it out.  My mom started chemo for the cancer the week that I graduated from Arizona State University.  The chemo had been ruff on her and she made it through the 3 hours of speeches and hearing everyone's name called. 

We watched her go through this process three more times before her death.  The second time around,  I spent some of those days down at the cancer center with her.  It was tuff to see her go in feeling fine and then in a few days, she was as sick as a dog.  This happened every time with the chemo. So her death meant no more suffering.  She was not afraid to die, and was thankful for the life that she had lived, and to have two children that she dearly loved. 

I did not cry when she died or at the funeral or at the burial.  I knew that she was now living a pain free life.  That she was no longer going to be sick.  Yes, I wish we could have had those weeks like the doctor said, but it was better the way she died.  And I got to she her with her spirits high that day.

There are the days that I ask God why, but those are really far and in between.  I miss my mom.  She was tuff on me at times, but was fair.  And I knew what to expect if I stepped out of line.  But I knew she loved me.  We had a lot of good talks before she died.  And I really miss them now.  I spent a lot of time a lone now, and sometimes I want to talk to some one and she is not there. 

I am grateful for the things that she taught me here.  Just not the natural things, but of the spiritual as well.  That she believed that we could be together again as a enteral family once again.  Yes, I miss my mom a lot, but I do not mourn her death.

Comments

  1. BevNovember 13, 2013 at 9:31 PM

    I know how much she loved you....this is a beautiful tribute to her!!

    ReplyDelete

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