Underground Car Guy

One thing that I regret is that Eaglegate LLC is not more successful.  When me and my dad set up the company in 2010, he gave it all to me, which I did not agree with at all.  It was his idea, his designs, but I had one hundred percent responsibility for it.  And I never had total control of how the company was run. The first year we did really well.  2011 was a good year.  2012 produced about the same sells as 2011, and 2013 has been a mess, and we will be $10,000 under what we made in 2010. My dad has always controlled the directs of this business, where my ideas were very different, and did not count.  In 2010 we start selling wheels as part of the business.  The wheels made up a third of the total sells for the company.  I loved selling the wheels, because it gave us another big ticket product to sell and that we were not just limited to the Triumphs on this one.  But when we went back to by more wheels for the company the next year,...

Well, I am still in my house until January 13.  Still do not know where I am going.  Christmas is tomorrow, and I have never felt more alone than this year.  My have to go to Utah the first of January for a court case, but do not know yet.  It has been somewhat a disappointing year, and I do hope that things get better.  Merry Christmas and hope all have a Happy New Year.

I found out last night that I could have had a Job that pays $70,000 a year and I really did not know about it. You ask, how do you not know about something like that.  Well it is a long story. About 2 years ago, I was at my dad's house working on some stuff for the business that we have and Bert, his then girlfriend, came in and said that she had a job lead.  Gave me a number and a name, and that was it.  At the time I was not really looking for a job.  I was working on the business that I had with my father. So I never followed up on the lead and she never ask me about it. My dad has always looked at our business as a hobby.  I have always looked at it as a business that has room to grow.  We even have a business license and tax numbers.  My dad put the company in my name, but from day one it has been his baby.  I can give him Ideas about suppliers and the direction of the company, but it is up to him to listen.  You can guess what hap...

I can not believe how things have changed in just the last 24 hours.  I thought I was going to save my house from the auction block, but that is not going to happen.  The money has fallen through and I have to be out by Monday.  I have really tried to do everything I could to save it, but things just did not work out.  I am thankful for the friends that have stood by me and the prayers that have been sent my way. But I really have gone through a lot of stuff the past few years and I have dug my self into a pit I can not get out of.  I do not know if this my last blog or not. But thanks to everyone.

Well I still have no Internet.  I am being forced to move, because we are selling the house, which I am not happy about.  I am at the library using there computer, which sucks.  I am still looking for a job, which also sucks.  And my divorce, looks like it will be final in January.  I just hope things get better soon.

I have no internet right now.  So no new post for a while.

Let me know what you think.

My house is like a black hole some times.  I have lost thing and never seen them again.  I have a book that I was reading, and one day it got picked up and I have never seen it again.  It was interesting and I still want to read it.  Some of these things that I can not find are from my LDS Mission to Ireland.  Well the other day I was looking for old photos and I found something I had been looking for, for a long time.  My Testimony Book. Wikipedia explains that a Testimony is "a solemn attestation as to the truth of a matter." It also points out that a Testimony for LDS people is a statement of what they belief, and in most cases the reason why they know it is true. A Testimony book, is a notebook, in which you (many me) would get others to write a little message and let me know what and why the belief what they do.  Most of these are from missionary to missionary, but anyone can write in it. My Testimony Book.  The ...

I was on Facebook earlier today when I came across a post on one of the Mission Groups I belong to.  The topic was who has children serving missions and where are they serving?  For me this is a depressing topic, because in the 21 years of marriage, I never got the chance to become a father.  Don't take me wrong, I love to hear how my friends and there families are. A few years ago, I was sitting in a Priesthood Meeting, when the Elders quorum president was teaching the lesson that day.  He talked that how once you have children of your own, you are closer to God.  To my this meant that I would never be able to get close to God at all.  Why was I denied this special blessing.  It is hard to be in a group of friends and they start asking about your family, and you have to say that you do not have any children.  I have friends now that have children that are married, some of there kids are on missions, and some of my friends are now becoming gr...

Me in the Golf, coming around the tower turn. Driving the Volkswagen Golf was truly a love hate relationship.  I loved the little car.  It was easy to drive, when you had the right wheels on it, and it was really easy to get in and out of.  But I had a lot of brake downs, mostly from the gear box to half shafts. Yes, the car looks like a box but it did get up to about 140 mph.  It was also a special car.  This car was built as a race car by the Volkswagen factory.  It was first built to run in Showroom Stock B (SSB).  It had no Vin number, but came as a part number.  So this car was never a car that drove on the roads.  We were lucky to get it.  When it was done racing in SSB, it was to be crushed.  The nice thing about this car was that it was ready to go.  It was the first car that we did not build.  We took off the stripes of the German Flag and added the red numbers of 95.  This was some what up holding t...

For the past few years, all I have been wanting is to be happy again.  When my mom died, I lost a lot of that.  Then last year, when Kim left, that was like the knife to the heart.  I even went to concealing for it, for about 6 months, which seemed to work, until that was taken away.  Being around friends helps, but that is a temporary.  They can not concern themselves about me.  Oh how much easier it was to be a kid again, and not have the weight of the world on you.  It even seems like the Lord has left me at times. This is all I want: I would like to have a good paying job.  One that I can be good at and be respected by those I work with.  One that can pay my bills with, and not have to worry about the wolves at the door. A good relationship with my dad.  One where he does not think that I am just out to use him or want his money.  I really want to know that he loves me for me, and not treat me like a common pers...

Being a guy that believes that the glass is half full, I tend to hold on to things a little to long, that I am the one who really gets hurt.  Why do I always hope that things are going to work out and then they don't, and ends into some what of a heart break?  The perfect example of this is what I am dealing with right now. I still believe that my wife is going to come back, even though she has told me there is no chance for that, and that the divorce papers are filed.  Why do I continue to hand on?  I know she is not going to.  Her own actions tell me that. If hope and faith are so much tied to each other, why is my faith being tested like it is?  Why does this drive me crazy and into the depths of depression?  I do not understand why.  All I can do is keep praying that things are going to work out for me.  And that does not mean my wife  is coming back.

After Sacrament meeting today, one of the older gentleman in the Ward sat down next to me and said, "Bill, you are so quiet, we do not know how you are do."  I could tell that he really wanted to know.  I thanked him and told him I was fine.  I sat by myself this morning, not like many other Sunday mornings.  It was a nice thing to be noticed. But I do not want to sound friendless, because I am not. If it was not for the Dials and Del Mar, I do not know where I would be today.  I meet Dials about 5 or 6 years ago.  I was there home teacher that never came around.  So one month, I decided to do it and I made cookies and took them to my families.  Emily invited me in and I sat down and they had Fox News on.  I was only going to be there for 5 minutes, I went home and hour later. A few months later we meet after church and Del Mar had driven his Porsche 944,   I start tell him how I was racing 944's at the time.  I do not rem...

     The Ramsay Family Reunion Oct 9. 2010, Monticello, Utah     Charles Whipple and Bill Close, Sr. The Date had been set for the Ramsay Cousin Reunion for October 9, 2010 in Monticello, Utah.  This was the first reunion for the family since the 1990's when we had it in Chandler, Arizona.  In 1990 we still had 3 sister and Uncle Clarence alive.  By 2010, Uncle Clarence is the last of the Ramsay family alive. This was trip that my mom wanted all of us to go on.  Mom had to see the cancer doctor on that Tuesday before we were to leave.  We were hoping that the cancer was gone and for now no more Chemo.  But it was not good news, and my mom told use not to tell anyone.  So we packed up and head to Monticello on October 8.  We got there pretty early, so we checked into our room and headed to Moab to see Gracie Eastin.  We ate dinner there, and that was were my sister family was staying, and them le...

Sandta Close's Burial, March 22, 2011 I was talking to one of my friends in Ireland, she said that she was going to Boston to see a friend that was dying of cancer.  This brought back the memory of my mom.  One day to be told that you have weeks to live and then to be gone the next.  I think it was better for her to go the way she did, then have to wait days or weeks wondering when the day or time of your death is at hand. The Close family at my Graduation at ASU 2008. We found out about my mom's cancer Jan. 2008.  It was stage 4 colon cancer, they did surgery to take it out.  My mom started chemo for the cancer the week that I graduated from Arizona State University.  The chemo had been ruff on her and she made it through the 3 hours of speeches and hearing everyone's name called.  We watched her go through this process three more times before her death.  The second time around,  I spent some of those days down at the cance...

The Ireland Trip   In 2000 I was able to go back to Ireland since I finished my mission, in 1990.  And this was a trip that we went on with my parents.  The plan was to see the Island as I saw it as a missionary, so that meant that we focused the majority of the trip on places that I served.  We had mapped out our trip and had planned on staying at Bed & Breakfasts and two hotels why there.  We did get of the bitten path a little bit.  I chose to go the last week of May and the first week of June.  This would keep us out of the matching season in the North.    We flew on British Airways out of Phoenix right to London.  From London we caught a flight to Dublin.  We picked up our rental car and headed for our hotel room in Swords.  The Hotel had a restaurant called the Little Chef and that is were we had our first meal in Ireland.  Our plans were to travel up to Belfast for two days, so we arranged to leave the car a...

I found this on YouTube sometime this year, and found this very funny.  I love that you have different reacts, that it is not all kids upset that they have lost there candy.  And I could see myself doing this if I had kids!  This from the Jimmy Kimmel Show last year!  Enjoy!

Well I have been blogging for 7 months now.  And I can not believe you guys are still reading this.  I know that most of you are Facebook friends, so thanks for handing in there on all of the personal problems.   I hope that one day most of them will be fixed and get better.  But I do know there are a few people that have found me some way and have thanked me for what I have written. It still blows me away that what I have written has really helped anyone. Over the 7 months there have been over 3000 people to view the site.  Most of those from the United States, but there have been 230 views from Russia.  The most popular post has been "Life on my Own"  with 74 views.  And I have posted 76 post so far.  I am still working on some more racing post, still have to cover the VW Golf racing years, and the Porsche years and that is the end my racing career.  And I still have all my favorite vacation posted, if you find those interestin...

I wonder if anyone noticed what I just did tonight!  I Started out with a topic titled, "Trying to fix what is broken."  To the next topic being "My 7th Birthday", about me braking my leg.  I was not even thinking about what I was writing until now. Maybe the stories relate some how.  Maybe it is that sometime it takes a while for repairs to take hold.  Man, I just thought that one up myself.  I think it  truly is time for bed!

In 1978 we moved to Arizona from Tennessee.  The reason for this, was a few months before, my Grandfather Hatch had died and my mom wanted to be closer to her mom.  So we moved into my grandparents home, and my grandma moved into the apartments that was next door that they had build and owned for a few years.  My Grandfather's death was some what unique.  It was a Saturday, and he had called us that morning like he normally did, went to the temple and then later was attending the funeral of a Brother-in-law that had died while staying with them.  He was asked to give the closing prayer at the funeral.  He got up and gave the closing prayer, sat back down and put his hand on my grandma's knee and died of a heart attack right there.  After about a year of living in the house, my parents decided to expand the house and add on a den, a laundry room, and a huge garage.  My sister's room became a hallway from the house to the new addition.  ...

The day was August 2, 1976.  The day before my 7th Birthday.  I was out  riding my bike up and down the street with all the neighborhood kids.  At this time we live up on Harbor Circle, in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We were lucky because we lived at the top of the hill.  But there was this house just down the street that had a long driveway.  If you peddled just right and turned just right on the street, you could coast up to my house.  I made it up the driveway and turned my bike around and started peddling my bike really hard before I had to turn onto the street.  The one thing about this driveway was as it meet the street, there was a gravel on the edges.  Well I went to turn onto the street and hit the gravel area.  All of the sudden the bike tilted to the right and I was on the ground.  I tried to get up, but I was in a lot of pain.  Someone went and got my parents, and I was rushed off to the Children's Hos...

Do you remember as a kid that you broke something and you try to put it back together?  You can't get the glue to stick. or there is just that one piece that is missing, or you get it together and it just does not look like everything go were it should go? That is how I feel at times.  My life has broken in so many little pieces that I am trying to put it all together, but all the pieces are not just going together right.    I am trying to figure out what it really is that just does not make everything fit anymore.  Is it the glue I am using?  Or is it that I have a missing piece?  I wish I knew which one it was, so I could fix it the right way.  

I wrote this as a note on Facebook back on March 19, 2010.   We have all heard the stories of those on Facebook, who, through a search of there high school class or from other friends have rekindled old friendships. I think many of us have those stories as well. Friends we have not seen since that last summer after graduation, moving away because of college or work. I have a few of these stories of my own. I have found missionary companions, people that I meet in Ireland, people I have chatted with over the last 20 years on AOL and Prodigy, and yes I have found old friends from high school. It is a great joy to see them here and to see there updates from time to time. He see them grow, and to hear how there family has grown and, now starting to leave as well. I have enjoyed that chats, even when we do not agree on the latest political topic. But there a few that really make me sad. Friendships that went away, and for some reason can not be rekindled. I have had this experien...

My thoughts lately have been very dark and grim.  I have not shared all of the stuff that I am going through, because I have been hurt by some people very close to me, and I am trying to retain some type of relationship with them.  I know that some are asking why are you trying when someone has hurt you like they have.  Well, I will just say that it is important to me, that I at least try.  But that is maybe a quarter of what I am going through.  I was talking to a friend that I have know for over 20 years.  She had just lost her mom about two months ago.  She knew that I have been struggling with thing, one of them being the death of my mother, even thou it was 2 an half years ago.  But she asked me a question that just floored me, and I just did not have an answer at the time.  I had to really think about it.  Her question was, " I find it hard to see how you believe there is a god.   What god would do all this.  I...

Last week at the Mesa High 25th Reunion, I showed someone I meet there the car I got for my senior year in high school.  For those who do not know, that was a 1969 Chevy Chevelle.  And no I do not carry a photo of this in my wallet, but it is on my IPhone.   His comment to me was, "Boy I bet you were a chick magnetic!"  I had to reply to him well, no.  Before I had this car I have a 1978 GMC Jimmy.  And I had only gone out on one date.  After I got this car I had one more date in high school, and that was to prom, and that was not because of the car.  But people did know me for my car.  I don't know what it was about me in high school and girls. I can count on one hand all the girls I dated before I got married, and that last one I married.  It is not that I did not want to date anyone, it was because I was scared to ask.  I think if  one would of come up to me, and asked me out, I would have said yes.  And it...

I was flipping through the channels the other day when I came across the movie Continental Divide .   I think this is a movie that we saw at the old Pioneer drive-in.  And I think it was one that my mom picked.  It stared John Belushi and Blair Brown.  It was PG and billed as a romantic comedy.  It is about a Chicago Newspaper Writer, who is know for his hard nose reporting style, and he goes and does a story on an eagle expert, who is Blair Brown.  Which he falls in love with.  For me, I feel that this was one of John Belushi's best roles of his short career.  We all know the Belushi from Saturday Night Live, and from the Blues Brothers and Animal House.  But this was some what a different role for him.  Yes he was the comedy in this movie, but he was also the leading man, with no side kick to play off of.  I think this really showed, that he was not just a comedian, but he truly was an actor.  And a pretty good one....

The Future for me does not look that bright.  At this time I am down to my last few dollars. I can not find a good paying job, I will lose my house in less than two months, and I will be divorced in a few months.  So what is there really left in this world.  I have a hard time asking for help.  The last person to help me out was my mom, and do this day, this is being used against me.  So I do not ask for help.  My best friend has offered to help me out, but I can not take his money because he has a family he needs to take care of, and I could not take away from them. I never thought of having a will, because all this time it has just been me and Kim.  With us not having any children, there was not much worry about it.  If anything every happened to me Kim would get it all.  This even never crossed my mind when I was racing.  And I had been at the track the day someone died, in a wreck that did not look that bad.  I don't t...

About this time last week I was wondering if I was even going to go to my 25th Class Reunion.  I had just found out the night before that Kim was going.  I was going to go alone, but for her to show up was at the time just a little to much.  But then I told myself, why are you causing all of this drama, for nothing.  It is nothing I can change, so I decided to go. I would like to say sorry to anyone that I got sick with my cold.  I did not want to miss this.  So again I am sorry. I got there about 7:20 and I did not know what to expect.  I walked down the ramp and the first person I meet was Wende Foster.  She helped me find my name tag and gave me a big hug.  I walked down to the group of people and was greeted with K.C. Woolf announcing that I was there.  Went a round and shacked a  few hands.  Saw Robert Whipple, who I had not seen since the MTC.  We were on the same top floor of the dorms at the MTC and had a...

I woke up this morning and read the message from my sister about the snow she got at here house this morning, and right after that, that is when the sense of dread and fear of rejection it.  Why? The worry of not being able to pay the bills. But why start this off now? Yesterday was some what a good day for me.  I applied for 2 jobs and spent the evening over at my friends, the Dial's, watching NFL football.  I know that I was trying to do my best yesterday.  So why wake up on the negative side of the bed? I did open up my e-mail this morning, and here is the request for information about a product that my company sales.  Well we ran out of this product at then end of August.  And we did not reorder any new ones.   This needed to reorder needed to get done in July, but dad was not willing to loan me any money to do it.  Back in September he told a friend that was over at his house, that he was waiting to get enough people requesting to o...

When I started this blog 7 months ago, I was doing it for two reasons.  To relieve some of the stuff that was traveling through my brain, and to improve my writing skills, because of my learning disability.  I really did not think that anyone would really read it.  I kind of laugh when I saw that this blog was seen by some one in North Korea or Russia.  I do not even know anyone in those countries.  Then I have my faithful fan Bev, who was my mom's best friend since I was 15. But over the past few months I have heard from a few friends that have told me that they have enjoyed or have seen my blog.  That have been there when they see that I was down. But this brings me to the last few blogs that I have written: 25th Reunion and Mapping out my Depression. I started writing "Mapping out my Depression" back in August.  I stopped because at the time it became to painful.  I thought that I may have to reveal some personal stuff that I was not re...

Since it is past midnight I will say that this Saturday, the 19th, I will be going to my high school's 25 reunion.  I have a real fear of going.  I know or think that some of them read this and I hope they do not take this wrong.  And I have a lot to worry about. I wonder if there is really anyone that will be there, that will be excited to see me again?  And what do I really tell people?  This is  really the first time, I will be going to a big event, by myself.  I don't know if I want to rehash the past few years. And it is going to hurt that I will have to explain that I will be a divorced person in a few months.  I will be in room with people that are moving forward when it seems like I just keep move backwards. I hope that night goes well.  And I might report back.

The last year kind of seems like a dream.  I did not want it to come down to a divorce, that is what I did not want.  But it is what is about to happen.  But than again it is not the first time that this topic has come up in my life, and back in 2008, I thought about leaving my wife back then. I do not mean to bust some peoples bubbles in thinking that I am this Innocent person in all this, but I am not.  I have done some things in the past that I am not proud of, and that is what brings me to 2008. If you what the details of what I did, you will not get that here.  But at this time in my life I had been going done a road that I should have never gone down.  And it effected me to the point that I did not think that I wanted to be married any more.  I even told my wife that I did not really like her at this time.  At this time I had a friend, that knew what I was going through and they told me that I needed to change my ways.  I did not r...

It is funny how depression can stop you right in your tracks.  It can be a song, a T.V. show, a movie, are just trying to live life everyday.  But for me I have a lot of to much time to think about things now that I have been on my own.  But I can track when my depression really started. I would have to say that it all started back near the end of 2007.  For use that worked in new home construction, most of the places had stopped building new homes.  The company that I worked for went from 150 plus to round 70 in just weeks.  Work schedules were reduced.  I was asked to work about 24 hours a week but I got them to bump it up to 30 hours.  Around the end of the year my boss came to me and told me that they knew that I was going to graduate from ASU in May, and that they wanted to keep me as the Warehouse manager and purchase for the company.  This would mean a big bump in pay. About a month later, 2008, He comes to me again and tells me t...

I was sitting here and thinking of an experience that I had at the race track many, many years ago, and I do not know why I was there.  It was a day that they were having a driver's school, I do not think there was a race until the next day, which would have been Sunday, and I would have not been there anyway.  I think I just wanted to see who was out there with the Porsche 944 group.  At driver's school  you set for a few hours in the class room, learning what all the flags mean, what the apex of a corner is, what to do if you get in some type of trouble on the track,  and the lay of the track.  But that majority of time is driving the track and trying to learn the fastest way around.  You will have up to 10 sessions of half an hour to drive the course in two days, in which they will throw at you flags, that you will have to respond to, safety cars, and safety trucks.  So you have to be on your toes, so at the end of the session your instructo...