Mourning the Lose, not the Death!

Sandta Close's Burial, March 22, 2011
I was talking to one of my friends in Ireland, she said that she was going to Boston to see a friend that was dying of cancer.  This brought back the memory of my mom.  One day to be told that you have weeks to live and then to be gone the next.  I think it was better for her to go the way she did, then have to wait days or weeks wondering when the day or time of your death is at hand.

The Close family at my Graduation at ASU 2008.
We found out about my mom's cancer Jan. 2008.  It was stage 4 colon cancer, they did surgery to take it out.  My mom started chemo for the cancer the week that I graduated from Arizona State University.  The chemo had been ruff on her and she made it through the 3 hours of speeches and hearing everyone's name called. 

We watched her go through this process three more times before her death.  The second time around,  I spent some of those days down at the cancer center with her.  It was tuff to see her go in feeling fine and then in a few days, she was as sick as a dog.  This happened every time with the chemo. So her death meant no more suffering.  She was not afraid to die, and was thankful for the life that she had lived, and to have two children that she dearly loved. 

I did not cry when she died or at the funeral or at the burial.  I knew that she was now living a pain free life.  That she was no longer going to be sick.  Yes, I wish we could have had those weeks like the doctor said, but it was better the way she died.  And I got to she her with her spirits high that day.

There are the days that I ask God why, but those are really far and in between.  I miss my mom.  She was tuff on me at times, but was fair.  And I knew what to expect if I stepped out of line.  But I knew she loved me.  We had a lot of good talks before she died.  And I really miss them now.  I spent a lot of time a lone now, and sometimes I want to talk to some one and she is not there. 

I am grateful for the things that she taught me here.  Just not the natural things, but of the spiritual as well.  That she believed that we could be together again as a enteral family once again.  Yes, I miss my mom a lot, but I do not mourn her death.

Comments

  1. BevNovember 13, 2013 at 9:31 PM

    I know how much she loved you....this is a beautiful tribute to her!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feeling left behind

Over the past month I have been to two baptisms, two farewells and a home coming.  It reminds me of what I do not have in my life, children.  I also have had my 44th birthday, which I spent on my own.  My marriage of 22 years is gone, and I really have nothing to show that I am here. But I have been living some what an oddity in the Mormon Church.  Having been married for so long, with no kids, you just don't get the feeling that you are part of the church family.  I have set in many a Priesthood Class, hearing the teacher tell how special it is to be a father, and how closer to God you are.  I really have not made a lot of friends in these wards, because I have no  kids that are in the same Primary Class, Sunday School Class, or Mutual. It even feels like the newly married couple, when they do get pregnant, that they are now one up on me. A few years ago, our Ward did away with the Family Camp Out.  But what stayed were the father/daughter and the father/ sons camp outs.  For
Read more

Trains

Image
Me with Jensen in 2012. As I was writing about my vacation with my grandparents, it made me realize that I had a love of trains.  Not only did my Hatch grandparents work for the railroad, but so did my Grandpa Close.  One thing that I left out from the trips, was that we did stay here in Mesa between our travels from California, Northern Arizona, and Utah.  My grandpa Hatch would always take me down to Pioneer  Park and they had a train engine there, and I climbed all over that train inside and out. I think it that next Christmas that he got me a train set that had and engine that blow smoke.  I had that train until I think the second move out to Arizona.  But I have always enjoyed model trains.  One of the things I really enjoyed about going to the State Fair was going and seeing the model train set below the grandstands.  And then seeing the exhibit in San Diego in 2007. Living in Chattanooga was great as well.  During the Civil War, Chattanooga was the major train hub for th
Read more

Life after High School

This week my oldest niece, Ashley, is graduating from High School.  It is hard to believe that this little girl that I watched from a distance, is now a young woman, and going out into the big wide world.  I remember graduating from the same high school back in 1988.  There was over 800 plus of use getting our diplomas that night. A few days later, I was on a plane to Hawaii, for a week of fun with other classmates.  I had worked all senior year, and back than I think I paid $300 for the total trip.  There was about 15 of us from Mesa High that went on the trip.  About two weeks later, we were all back together to share our pictures of the trip.  The talk turned to what next.  For most, it was off to college.  I was one of three Mormons that went on the trip, and I knew that in two months I would be putting in my papers for a Mormon mission, and with in six months I would be in the mission. field.  I was shocked to find that many envied me,  because I knew what I was going to be doin
Read more