Hello God? Are you there?

My thoughts lately have been very dark and grim.  I have not shared all of the stuff that I am going through, because I have been hurt by some people very close to me, and I am trying to retain some type of relationship with them.  I know that some are asking why are you trying when someone has hurt you like they have.  Well, I will just say that it is important to me, that I at least try.  But that is maybe a quarter of what I am going through. 
I was talking to a friend that I have know for over 20 years.  She had just lost her mom about two months ago.  She knew that I have been struggling with thing, one of them being the death of my mother, even thou it was 2 an half years ago.  But she asked me a question that just floored me, and I just did not have an answer at the time.  I had to really think about it.  Her question was, "I find it hard to see how you believe there is a god.  What god would do all this.  I don't like him and don't think he is good. . All the suffering and pain is down to him." 
I have not always been the best Mormon.  I have struggled from time to time with just many of the small things with the gospel.  Mostly prayer, reading the scriptures, and being a full tithe payer.  I have never had a hard time going to church, even when I have had a hard time with the Ward that I lived in.  I appeared to be good Mormon, but was not living it as I should.  But that is how I was raise.  Pray and scripture study was no important in our family and if it was not for my mom, I do not know where I would be spiritually in this world.  Boy I hope that makes sense.
There have only been two times in my life where pray has been a really important part of my
life.  One was when I was a missionary in Ireland and now, for the past year.  As a missionary you are praying all the time, and you always have someone else around, so it was not a hard thing to do.  As the months went by after coming home, I slipped back into the old ways, and my daily prays went to, I will pray when I have time for prayer.  But I did pray to know if my wife was the right one to marry.  
The past year there has only been a hand full of days I have not prayed.  Some days it is just a pray before bed, but most of the time, there is many prayers said during the day.  And it has been this way since the day my wife left.  
But back to my friends question, and I know it is not just about prayer, but about faith.  I have always had faith, even when things have not worked out the way I wanted it to.  I have hardly been the guy who looks at the glass half empty, but half full.  There were days when my mom was sick and my dad would come out and say things were really bad, I really no believe it, and most of the time, things got better.  I have never blamed God for my mother dying, but have questioned at times, why he needed her now.
 The last few years have been hard.  And the last year has been the hardest.  I feel that I have lost more in the past year, then I have been the past 5.  I have had some really dark days that I did not think I could keep going, and some of those have been this week.  There have been a few times I have broken down and cried unto God and as why?  Is all this pain really worth it.  I will not say yes, but I have felt his love when I was down.  I have had the spirit come to me and comfort my heart.  And I have seen my prayers answered when others around me would not exercise the same faith.
 I don't know if the suffering and pain is down to God.  People say we will learn from our trials, and I have to ask him many time what is he trying to teach me.  It is hard to hang on, and endure to the end.  But he promises that if we do endure to the end we will receive a great reward.  I do not want to give up that reward, even though it requires us to go through hardship and pain at times.
 I know how hard it is to believe at times,  but I have seen his comforting hand at work.  I have seen miracles when it did not seem that there would be one.  I pray everyday that he will lift me up out of the problems that I have.  I pray that he would stay and comfort me when going through the hard times of depression.  Some times it does not seem that he is there, and then it comes.  The answer is not always the one we want.  And he has sent to me friends at times that where there right when I needed them.   The answer may not be what we thought it would be, but someone was listening.  And for that reason, I still believe in him. 
I hope these makes sense.