The Search to Being Normal
All my life I have wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be normal. But some will question what true normal is. I can remember being young, that I knew, I was not like everyone else. I was born with both physical and some mental deficits. Everything on my left side is about 1/2 inch short than my right. I also have a weakness on that side. The mental is dyslexia.
I remember as a child, have to wear braces on my legs. I do not remember how long I was wearing them, but I do remember seeing them in my closest when I was about 6. When we moved to Arizona, I remember being called out of class and have people make me preform exercises to see what my range of mobility was. Going to the nurses office every year for the scoliosis test was fun. They would look at my spine and then say, oh it is the Close kid and that was it.
My left foot turned in, and there was no heel tow action in it. Over time, I learned how to turn it to look normal. If I get tired I do limp. But, no one can really tell. With the weakness, I was prone to get hurt than I guess most kids. But I did learn how to play sports, even though I was most of time the kid who picked last. I loved football, but my parents would not have me play, even though I had couches in Junior High that wanted me to play. My second love was baseball, but over Christmas break I was out plying football with a bunch of friends and I zigged and felt pain in my right ankle and then I got tackled really hard and then there was snap, taring everything out of my ankle. Took months to heal, but when baseball try outs came along, I was not ready and could not hack the training. Six month later I was getting out of bed and my ankle buckled and I broke it.
My dyslexia was found here in Arizona. I was luck enough that I had a teacher that saw it and that I could get special classes for it. But I still wanted to be like my friend Brad and Damon. They were both in ELP, and I wanted to be that smart. I was also lucky that I had a grandmother, that loved museums, and every where we went, if they had a museum we would visit. I learned a lot about our world and history. I was always good with numbers and history was my favorite subject. I think what really saved me was a type writer and a mother to proof read what I wrote. Then came computers which have made it easier.
Going on my mission was an adventure. I never told anyone about my physical limitations or the mental things either. And here is were I almost made a mistake. When asked by my mission president if there was anything that might hold me back from doing the work, I told him about my learning disability. He pulled out the scriptures and opened them up and said read. I read it out load to him and he said you will do fine. But no one knew about my weakness on my left side or my foot. There were days that I would be in so much pain, that I could not go out. I would blame it on a bad knee. But other than missing a few day, I made it.
College was no picnic either. To tell you the truth, I don't think any of my teacher would have thought I would have gone to college, and I was not encouraged to go by any either. But my first year, I had a history class were the tests were 100 multiple choice question , and a 15 point essay question. So I would to really well on the multiple choice and not answer the essay. This earned me a C in class. But his finally caught up to me, at Arizona State, when some of the classes I took require to do tested that were all essay. Most of the time I would bomb the first test to see what the teacher was looking for. These also earned me mostly C's in these classes, but most professors were not kind to those who have learning disabilities. But I made it.
Now trying to find a job, I am still afraid that they will find out about my learning disability and not even give me a chance. So with a lot of those jobs I don't even try. I can not do the physical jobs anymore, because, my body has just given out on me. I know my faults, but I am still search to be accepted as being normal.
I remember as a child, have to wear braces on my legs. I do not remember how long I was wearing them, but I do remember seeing them in my closest when I was about 6. When we moved to Arizona, I remember being called out of class and have people make me preform exercises to see what my range of mobility was. Going to the nurses office every year for the scoliosis test was fun. They would look at my spine and then say, oh it is the Close kid and that was it.
My left foot turned in, and there was no heel tow action in it. Over time, I learned how to turn it to look normal. If I get tired I do limp. But, no one can really tell. With the weakness, I was prone to get hurt than I guess most kids. But I did learn how to play sports, even though I was most of time the kid who picked last. I loved football, but my parents would not have me play, even though I had couches in Junior High that wanted me to play. My second love was baseball, but over Christmas break I was out plying football with a bunch of friends and I zigged and felt pain in my right ankle and then I got tackled really hard and then there was snap, taring everything out of my ankle. Took months to heal, but when baseball try outs came along, I was not ready and could not hack the training. Six month later I was getting out of bed and my ankle buckled and I broke it.
My dyslexia was found here in Arizona. I was luck enough that I had a teacher that saw it and that I could get special classes for it. But I still wanted to be like my friend Brad and Damon. They were both in ELP, and I wanted to be that smart. I was also lucky that I had a grandmother, that loved museums, and every where we went, if they had a museum we would visit. I learned a lot about our world and history. I was always good with numbers and history was my favorite subject. I think what really saved me was a type writer and a mother to proof read what I wrote. Then came computers which have made it easier.
Going on my mission was an adventure. I never told anyone about my physical limitations or the mental things either. And here is were I almost made a mistake. When asked by my mission president if there was anything that might hold me back from doing the work, I told him about my learning disability. He pulled out the scriptures and opened them up and said read. I read it out load to him and he said you will do fine. But no one knew about my weakness on my left side or my foot. There were days that I would be in so much pain, that I could not go out. I would blame it on a bad knee. But other than missing a few day, I made it.
College was no picnic either. To tell you the truth, I don't think any of my teacher would have thought I would have gone to college, and I was not encouraged to go by any either. But my first year, I had a history class were the tests were 100 multiple choice question , and a 15 point essay question. So I would to really well on the multiple choice and not answer the essay. This earned me a C in class. But his finally caught up to me, at Arizona State, when some of the classes I took require to do tested that were all essay. Most of the time I would bomb the first test to see what the teacher was looking for. These also earned me mostly C's in these classes, but most professors were not kind to those who have learning disabilities. But I made it.
Now trying to find a job, I am still afraid that they will find out about my learning disability and not even give me a chance. So with a lot of those jobs I don't even try. I can not do the physical jobs anymore, because, my body has just given out on me. I know my faults, but I am still search to be accepted as being normal.
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