I am just a Boy, Asking a Girl...


When I went looking for my favorite scene from Notting Hill, it has it listed as the best proposal ever.  But I do not see it that way.  I always saw it as someone asking to love them.  Just a simple request, but I think it is something that we are all looking for.  I know that is what I have really wanted for the last two years, and I thought I had found that 8 months ago.

She came into my life last November, asking me if I was this creepy missionary in our mission (Ireland, Dublin Mission).  But we continued to talk.  I was not looking to getting into a relationship at all. At the time (and still don't) really do not have much to offer.  I have been somewhat under employed and now going through a divorce and losing a house.  But she pushed and pulled, and a relationship started.

By the end of January, I am divorced, and the conversation moves to I think we are perfect matches and that you should come up.  I had no way at paying at the time so she paid to fly me out for about a week. (I did pay her back a month later.)  Our time together was great, but short.  Spent most of the time with her sisters.  And the make out sessions we had were great.

We talked about the future, and about here transferring out here for her job.  But that never happened. We even talked about marriage.  We talked about our goal and our spirituality.  And we talked about being in a long distance relationship.

There have been some rough times the past few months, but she always came back, telling me that I was her perfect match, talking about how it would be after we were married.  I looked past some of her faults and I still loved her.  Things did get some what silent, but we still texted or messaged each other.  A friend of mine even told me, if I did love her like I said that I should not give up, and I did not.  Never really getting a sign it was over.

Until Wednesday.  I had texted that my sister was moving out there soon and that I was trying to make it back there.  That is when I was told it was over, and that is why she had not communicated with me as much.  So to my surprise when I am awaking by a friend messaging me on Saturday morning, about her, and if I had see her latest Facebook Post.  I said what post ,and he said Oh Crap!  The post was that she was  getting married that night.  I could not believe it.  Was this some joke to get people to respond to support cancer.  No, it was true.

I was in shock.  How long had she been seeing him?  Was I a back up plan all the long?  And why could she not wait for me?  This has turn into hurt, not anger.  It was nice to have someone say they loved you when I am going through a hard time.

So here I am all alone again.  Not knowing what life is going to give me next.  I do hope that I do find love once again, but I have a hard time believing it.  But If I do, I will be just a boy, standing in front of a girl asking her to love him.

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