Underground Car Guy

I wonder if anyone noticed what I just did tonight!  I Started out with a topic titled, "Trying to fix what is broken."  To the next topic being "My 7th Birthday", about me braking my leg.  I was not even thinking about what I was writing until now. Maybe the stories relate some how.  Maybe it is that sometime it takes a while for repairs to take hold.  Man, I just thought that one up myself.  I think it  truly is time for bed!

In 1978 we moved to Arizona from Tennessee.  The reason for this, was a few months before, my Grandfather Hatch had died and my mom wanted to be closer to her mom.  So we moved into my grandparents home, and my grandma moved into the apartments that was next door that they had build and owned for a few years.  My Grandfather's death was some what unique.  It was a Saturday, and he had called us that morning like he normally did, went to the temple and then later was attending the funeral of a Brother-in-law that had died while staying with them.  He was asked to give the closing prayer at the funeral.  He got up and gave the closing prayer, sat back down and put his hand on my grandma's knee and died of a heart attack right there.  After about a year of living in the house, my parents decided to expand the house and add on a den, a laundry room, and a huge garage.  My sister's room became a hallway from the house to the new addition.  ...

The day was August 2, 1976.  The day before my 7th Birthday.  I was out  riding my bike up and down the street with all the neighborhood kids.  At this time we live up on Harbor Circle, in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We were lucky because we lived at the top of the hill.  But there was this house just down the street that had a long driveway.  If you peddled just right and turned just right on the street, you could coast up to my house.  I made it up the driveway and turned my bike around and started peddling my bike really hard before I had to turn onto the street.  The one thing about this driveway was as it meet the street, there was a gravel on the edges.  Well I went to turn onto the street and hit the gravel area.  All of the sudden the bike tilted to the right and I was on the ground.  I tried to get up, but I was in a lot of pain.  Someone went and got my parents, and I was rushed off to the Children's Hos...

Do you remember as a kid that you broke something and you try to put it back together?  You can't get the glue to stick. or there is just that one piece that is missing, or you get it together and it just does not look like everything go were it should go? That is how I feel at times.  My life has broken in so many little pieces that I am trying to put it all together, but all the pieces are not just going together right.    I am trying to figure out what it really is that just does not make everything fit anymore.  Is it the glue I am using?  Or is it that I have a missing piece?  I wish I knew which one it was, so I could fix it the right way.  

I wrote this as a note on Facebook back on March 19, 2010.   We have all heard the stories of those on Facebook, who, through a search of there high school class or from other friends have rekindled old friendships. I think many of us have those stories as well. Friends we have not seen since that last summer after graduation, moving away because of college or work. I have a few of these stories of my own. I have found missionary companions, people that I meet in Ireland, people I have chatted with over the last 20 years on AOL and Prodigy, and yes I have found old friends from high school. It is a great joy to see them here and to see there updates from time to time. He see them grow, and to hear how there family has grown and, now starting to leave as well. I have enjoyed that chats, even when we do not agree on the latest political topic. But there a few that really make me sad. Friendships that went away, and for some reason can not be rekindled. I have had this experien...

My thoughts lately have been very dark and grim.  I have not shared all of the stuff that I am going through, because I have been hurt by some people very close to me, and I am trying to retain some type of relationship with them.  I know that some are asking why are you trying when someone has hurt you like they have.  Well, I will just say that it is important to me, that I at least try.  But that is maybe a quarter of what I am going through.  I was talking to a friend that I have know for over 20 years.  She had just lost her mom about two months ago.  She knew that I have been struggling with thing, one of them being the death of my mother, even thou it was 2 an half years ago.  But she asked me a question that just floored me, and I just did not have an answer at the time.  I had to really think about it.  Her question was, " I find it hard to see how you believe there is a god.   What god would do all this.  I...

Last week at the Mesa High 25th Reunion, I showed someone I meet there the car I got for my senior year in high school.  For those who do not know, that was a 1969 Chevy Chevelle.  And no I do not carry a photo of this in my wallet, but it is on my IPhone.   His comment to me was, "Boy I bet you were a chick magnetic!"  I had to reply to him well, no.  Before I had this car I have a 1978 GMC Jimmy.  And I had only gone out on one date.  After I got this car I had one more date in high school, and that was to prom, and that was not because of the car.  But people did know me for my car.  I don't know what it was about me in high school and girls. I can count on one hand all the girls I dated before I got married, and that last one I married.  It is not that I did not want to date anyone, it was because I was scared to ask.  I think if  one would of come up to me, and asked me out, I would have said yes.  And it...

I was flipping through the channels the other day when I came across the movie Continental Divide .   I think this is a movie that we saw at the old Pioneer drive-in.  And I think it was one that my mom picked.  It stared John Belushi and Blair Brown.  It was PG and billed as a romantic comedy.  It is about a Chicago Newspaper Writer, who is know for his hard nose reporting style, and he goes and does a story on an eagle expert, who is Blair Brown.  Which he falls in love with.  For me, I feel that this was one of John Belushi's best roles of his short career.  We all know the Belushi from Saturday Night Live, and from the Blues Brothers and Animal House.  But this was some what a different role for him.  Yes he was the comedy in this movie, but he was also the leading man, with no side kick to play off of.  I think this really showed, that he was not just a comedian, but he truly was an actor.  And a pretty good one....

The Future for me does not look that bright.  At this time I am down to my last few dollars. I can not find a good paying job, I will lose my house in less than two months, and I will be divorced in a few months.  So what is there really left in this world.  I have a hard time asking for help.  The last person to help me out was my mom, and do this day, this is being used against me.  So I do not ask for help.  My best friend has offered to help me out, but I can not take his money because he has a family he needs to take care of, and I could not take away from them. I never thought of having a will, because all this time it has just been me and Kim.  With us not having any children, there was not much worry about it.  If anything every happened to me Kim would get it all.  This even never crossed my mind when I was racing.  And I had been at the track the day someone died, in a wreck that did not look that bad.  I don't t...

About this time last week I was wondering if I was even going to go to my 25th Class Reunion.  I had just found out the night before that Kim was going.  I was going to go alone, but for her to show up was at the time just a little to much.  But then I told myself, why are you causing all of this drama, for nothing.  It is nothing I can change, so I decided to go. I would like to say sorry to anyone that I got sick with my cold.  I did not want to miss this.  So again I am sorry. I got there about 7:20 and I did not know what to expect.  I walked down the ramp and the first person I meet was Wende Foster.  She helped me find my name tag and gave me a big hug.  I walked down to the group of people and was greeted with K.C. Woolf announcing that I was there.  Went a round and shacked a  few hands.  Saw Robert Whipple, who I had not seen since the MTC.  We were on the same top floor of the dorms at the MTC and had a...

I woke up this morning and read the message from my sister about the snow she got at here house this morning, and right after that, that is when the sense of dread and fear of rejection it.  Why? The worry of not being able to pay the bills. But why start this off now? Yesterday was some what a good day for me.  I applied for 2 jobs and spent the evening over at my friends, the Dial's, watching NFL football.  I know that I was trying to do my best yesterday.  So why wake up on the negative side of the bed? I did open up my e-mail this morning, and here is the request for information about a product that my company sales.  Well we ran out of this product at then end of August.  And we did not reorder any new ones.   This needed to reorder needed to get done in July, but dad was not willing to loan me any money to do it.  Back in September he told a friend that was over at his house, that he was waiting to get enough people requesting to o...

When I started this blog 7 months ago, I was doing it for two reasons.  To relieve some of the stuff that was traveling through my brain, and to improve my writing skills, because of my learning disability.  I really did not think that anyone would really read it.  I kind of laugh when I saw that this blog was seen by some one in North Korea or Russia.  I do not even know anyone in those countries.  Then I have my faithful fan Bev, who was my mom's best friend since I was 15. But over the past few months I have heard from a few friends that have told me that they have enjoyed or have seen my blog.  That have been there when they see that I was down. But this brings me to the last few blogs that I have written: 25th Reunion and Mapping out my Depression. I started writing "Mapping out my Depression" back in August.  I stopped because at the time it became to painful.  I thought that I may have to reveal some personal stuff that I was not re...

Since it is past midnight I will say that this Saturday, the 19th, I will be going to my high school's 25 reunion.  I have a real fear of going.  I know or think that some of them read this and I hope they do not take this wrong.  And I have a lot to worry about. I wonder if there is really anyone that will be there, that will be excited to see me again?  And what do I really tell people?  This is  really the first time, I will be going to a big event, by myself.  I don't know if I want to rehash the past few years. And it is going to hurt that I will have to explain that I will be a divorced person in a few months.  I will be in room with people that are moving forward when it seems like I just keep move backwards. I hope that night goes well.  And I might report back.

The last year kind of seems like a dream.  I did not want it to come down to a divorce, that is what I did not want.  But it is what is about to happen.  But than again it is not the first time that this topic has come up in my life, and back in 2008, I thought about leaving my wife back then. I do not mean to bust some peoples bubbles in thinking that I am this Innocent person in all this, but I am not.  I have done some things in the past that I am not proud of, and that is what brings me to 2008. If you what the details of what I did, you will not get that here.  But at this time in my life I had been going done a road that I should have never gone down.  And it effected me to the point that I did not think that I wanted to be married any more.  I even told my wife that I did not really like her at this time.  At this time I had a friend, that knew what I was going through and they told me that I needed to change my ways.  I did not r...

It is funny how depression can stop you right in your tracks.  It can be a song, a T.V. show, a movie, are just trying to live life everyday.  But for me I have a lot of to much time to think about things now that I have been on my own.  But I can track when my depression really started. I would have to say that it all started back near the end of 2007.  For use that worked in new home construction, most of the places had stopped building new homes.  The company that I worked for went from 150 plus to round 70 in just weeks.  Work schedules were reduced.  I was asked to work about 24 hours a week but I got them to bump it up to 30 hours.  Around the end of the year my boss came to me and told me that they knew that I was going to graduate from ASU in May, and that they wanted to keep me as the Warehouse manager and purchase for the company.  This would mean a big bump in pay. About a month later, 2008, He comes to me again and tells me t...

I was sitting here and thinking of an experience that I had at the race track many, many years ago, and I do not know why I was there.  It was a day that they were having a driver's school, I do not think there was a race until the next day, which would have been Sunday, and I would have not been there anyway.  I think I just wanted to see who was out there with the Porsche 944 group.  At driver's school  you set for a few hours in the class room, learning what all the flags mean, what the apex of a corner is, what to do if you get in some type of trouble on the track,  and the lay of the track.  But that majority of time is driving the track and trying to learn the fastest way around.  You will have up to 10 sessions of half an hour to drive the course in two days, in which they will throw at you flags, that you will have to respond to, safety cars, and safety trucks.  So you have to be on your toes, so at the end of the session your instructo...

I am sharing this video on my blog, because it really mean a lot to me.  I have been suffering from depression for the past few years.  At times it can be really bad, that I feel like I am in a pit of despair and can not get out of it.  I have had those thought of just ending it.  But the one thing that keeps me here, is that I am afraid that I would miss out on something really big.  And I would don't want to miss that.  But the sad thing is, that most people do not know that I am in this way.  If you were to ask me any day how I was doing, I would tell you that I am doing OK.  And for the most part that is a lie.  But I do not like people to feel sorry for me, so it is easy to lie about it.  Elder Holland in his talk tells the story about Neilson's.  Stephine and Christian were in our ward at that time of the plane crash.  There was a lot of prays and fasting for her.  We had a special ward fast on Tuesday, and...

I have been struggling lately with my blog, because I don't know what to write about.  I guess, I have some what become a numbers whore.  I look at the stats and wonder why people read more post over the other?  Most of the ones that have gotten more views, are tagged personal.  I thought my list post would be interesting, and maybe generate some comments about what others found as there favorite, but that did not happen.  And I do not know if me talking about racing is really that interesting or my past vacation.  But then again I have to remember that I am writing this for me, not everyone out there.  I have had a few that have said they have enjoyed reading my blog, and it is not just Bev (who is a little bias, but that is OK!).  So I need to finish of the racing years, which only two more blogs.  And I have to figure out how I am going write the vacation one.  They have become every emotional for me, so it has taken a little bit m...