The Fear of Rejection
As I was out with a friend the other night getting something to eat, he got a phone call from a friend getting ready to come down for a visit, and he was talking about dating again after his divorce. But as he got of the phone with me the talk turned back to me. I am not ready for this. I don't want to be through back into that pool again. And again in my life right now I do not have much to offer anyone. But then again, there runs through me the fear of rejection. The fear that I am not good enough.
But there is the part of me that regrets that, even though I have this fear of rejection, that I to have rejected some in the past, namely two.
One was in 9th grade. We had know each other since I move out to Arizona when I was 8. I do not think that we had really ever been close until our 9th grade year. She was a student aid in the computer class that I was in. I don't know how we had become close, but we were always around each other during class. I think the question about me liking her came out one day and that is when I had to decide what to say. I was not ready to have a girlfriend. I did not know what that meant. So I had to say that we were not an idem. But I know that it really hurt her and that I did really liked her, but I was not ready to be open about my feeling about another person.
Around the same time I had become friends with another girl. We did a lot of things together. From going swimming, going to movies and just hanging out. We had become close and I really did like her. I did want her to be my girlfriend, but I always felt that she was looking for someone else. We were so close that when I got my heart broken, by a girl and one of my friends, she knew what had happened. I really did love her, but like I said I knew she was looking for someone else.
I only went to one school dance, which was prom and it was a OK date. I could have asked her, but it just never came up. I never ever thought of her for any of the school dances, and I guess that is my fault. I went on my mission, and the girl that I had dated before my mission, was over when I left. My old friend even came up to me and told me if I ever want to go out with her to give her a call. I never called, and that has always bothered me. I guess I never called because of the past. I really do not know. But it has always been one of my biggest regrets.
I guess the only relationship that I had, was Darcy and that was before my mission. And like I said, it was over when I left. I guess that was good thing, because I was not pining of a girl on my mission and I did not have to deal with a dear John letter. And then there was my wife of 21 years. So I am scared of future, and afraid that as someone in the mid 40's does not bring a lot to the table. And there is the underlying fear of rejection.
But there is the part of me that regrets that, even though I have this fear of rejection, that I to have rejected some in the past, namely two.
One was in 9th grade. We had know each other since I move out to Arizona when I was 8. I do not think that we had really ever been close until our 9th grade year. She was a student aid in the computer class that I was in. I don't know how we had become close, but we were always around each other during class. I think the question about me liking her came out one day and that is when I had to decide what to say. I was not ready to have a girlfriend. I did not know what that meant. So I had to say that we were not an idem. But I know that it really hurt her and that I did really liked her, but I was not ready to be open about my feeling about another person.
Around the same time I had become friends with another girl. We did a lot of things together. From going swimming, going to movies and just hanging out. We had become close and I really did like her. I did want her to be my girlfriend, but I always felt that she was looking for someone else. We were so close that when I got my heart broken, by a girl and one of my friends, she knew what had happened. I really did love her, but like I said I knew she was looking for someone else.
I only went to one school dance, which was prom and it was a OK date. I could have asked her, but it just never came up. I never ever thought of her for any of the school dances, and I guess that is my fault. I went on my mission, and the girl that I had dated before my mission, was over when I left. My old friend even came up to me and told me if I ever want to go out with her to give her a call. I never called, and that has always bothered me. I guess I never called because of the past. I really do not know. But it has always been one of my biggest regrets.
I guess the only relationship that I had, was Darcy and that was before my mission. And like I said, it was over when I left. I guess that was good thing, because I was not pining of a girl on my mission and I did not have to deal with a dear John letter. And then there was my wife of 21 years. So I am scared of future, and afraid that as someone in the mid 40's does not bring a lot to the table. And there is the underlying fear of rejection.
oh trust me, dating after divorce sucks!but you have to be vulnerable or you're never find love again. Be faithful, serve others and put yourself out there and it will happen again, but you have have to want it to happen and make it happen. The Lord does not want us to be alone.
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