Failure

"Success and failure have much in common that is good. Both mean you're trying."
Frank Tyger

Faith and fear cannot coexist.
Elder Kevin W. Pearson, Ensign. May 2009

"faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other"
Pres. Thomas S. Monson, Ensign Mar. 2009.

I sit here and look at this quotes and know that right now my life had been on the down ward spiral for a few years.  I sit here and wonder when I will be able to get out of this deep dark hole and become a normal person again.  But my fears of not being able to live up to my potential has really stopped me dead in my tracks.

My best friends family has treated me like I am part of them.  The past few weeks I have been  taken and picking  up from school the oldest son.  He is 16.  He is a pretty smart kid and can at times hang with the adult conversions.  He loves computer games and playing D&D.  But as smart as he is, he is a very bad student. I saw the doubt in success, fail him this morning, when he did not get up and go to the last day of summer school because he was afraid not passing a test again.  Just when I was telling his mom that he needs to try, that this is going to effect his future, that is when it hit me, I do the same thing when looking for a job.  Why apply for this?  I am not going to get it, because I do not have the writing skills.  Oh they will find out that I am not what my resume says I am, and I will be fired.  So the doubt is setting me up to fail even before I even try to apply for the job.

If anyone that knows me, I am not really a quitter.  I have had my changes in life, but have always moved forward.  I do not know what has changed.  I think for one it was losing my mother.  She was always there for support.  Then Kim left, and there was nothing at all (No disrespect to Del Mar).   The internal fight is the hardest, and not letting disspair win.


Comments

  1. BevJuly 12, 2013 at 8:50 AM

    YOu Mother was always your biggest cheer leader and I'm sure Kim was too, but I guess when they are gone, we have to become our own cheer leaders. You have some much potential and so much to offer....as soon as you convince yourself of that you'll be right back out there working, dating and marrying....I promise, it's the truth!!

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