Why I am writing this Blog.
In a comment left on my last blog from Bev, she said that this was great therapy. Bev has known me since I was 14 years old or almost 30 years. She cut my hair until I went on my mission. My and her older daughter are good friends. But, she is right, this is somewhat therapy for me.
I am a person who tens to hold things in. Someone will come up to me and ask, "How are you doing?", and I will tell them I am fine, when in reality, I could be having the worst day ever. I know that this is a be trail of myself, but to others as well. I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I do not want to be asked what can I or we do for you. I guess that I hate to ask for help. With Facebook, I still have the problem with sharing things. I know people that have to share everything they do in the lives at that time. And I have friends that post to get a reaction. So I got on a few weeks ago and ask for advice.
One person said keep a journal. I have a journal, and I started it, when I was like 12 or 13. It went with me on mission. I have one journal for my life. It is about 47 pages. I do not have any children, so I a long time ago, I figured who would want to read this in the future.
Another friend said something about blogging. I thought about it, and from what I knew of blogs, is that a majority of them are written by women. So to share cooking recipes. other crafts, and some to help the family keep up with them. I have some friends that have a political blog and have asked if I would write somethings for them. I have helped out one of them from time to time to get ideas about the blogs he would write.
Many people do not, but I grew with a psychical and a learning disability. I really do not talk about it much and when people find out they are kind of shocked. But ever since 3rd grade I have some what been separated from everyone else because the learning disability. I would leave my normal 3rd grade class and go into a special class where a teacher would work one on one with me on reading and writing. It was like this from elementary to high schools. In High School, the had special Science classes for all of us that had learning problems. So here I am going to these special class, but am doing good math and history. I am so grateful that I had a mother that would proof read everything that I wrote. And also grateful for the typewriter than computers. I hated hand writing things out, and I still do. My hand writing looks like chicken scratch, and somethings I can not read what I wrote. So in Junior High, I was typing all my reports. At 16 I had a computer and did all my work on there.
My mission was no help. As a missionary you are to fill out weekly reports. I think that in the 2 years that I served I have maybe 20 reports in all. And writing home was not any better. We were to write home once a week and to do it on our Prep day or P-Day. Most of the time I did not get this done. I am glad I had a small family, but I did send out a letter each week. My friend Derek, made it easier. He would send me a cassette tape. So most of the time walking to the area, I was listening to his tape and could answer back right when the thought was there.
I get back and go to college. I get into a history class that when you do the test, it is 100 multiple choice questions and a essay for 15 points. This was easy. I could blow off the essay all together because I knew I would do good on the multiple choice test. And I was right, and I got a C out of the class. By the time I got to Arizona State, it got tougher. One class asked for 15 short answer questions. That was not hard, but I had to really watch my hand writing, and was really slow at it. I got myself myself in trouble, when I had a class that the test was one essay. Well I failed the first test, went to the teacher to see what he was looking for and on the last test I get better and past the class.
So here I am with out a real good job right now. I see the jobs that I like, but they require you to write reports. This scares me. I don't think I can do it. I am afraid of being found out as a fraud.
So after a little time of thinking of what to do, to relieve the mental strand that I had, the choice was a blog. A blog more for me than the reader. Too relieve the stress, but to also help me in my writing. To prove that I can do it.
I am a person who tens to hold things in. Someone will come up to me and ask, "How are you doing?", and I will tell them I am fine, when in reality, I could be having the worst day ever. I know that this is a be trail of myself, but to others as well. I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I do not want to be asked what can I or we do for you. I guess that I hate to ask for help. With Facebook, I still have the problem with sharing things. I know people that have to share everything they do in the lives at that time. And I have friends that post to get a reaction. So I got on a few weeks ago and ask for advice.
One person said keep a journal. I have a journal, and I started it, when I was like 12 or 13. It went with me on mission. I have one journal for my life. It is about 47 pages. I do not have any children, so I a long time ago, I figured who would want to read this in the future.
Another friend said something about blogging. I thought about it, and from what I knew of blogs, is that a majority of them are written by women. So to share cooking recipes. other crafts, and some to help the family keep up with them. I have some friends that have a political blog and have asked if I would write somethings for them. I have helped out one of them from time to time to get ideas about the blogs he would write.
Many people do not, but I grew with a psychical and a learning disability. I really do not talk about it much and when people find out they are kind of shocked. But ever since 3rd grade I have some what been separated from everyone else because the learning disability. I would leave my normal 3rd grade class and go into a special class where a teacher would work one on one with me on reading and writing. It was like this from elementary to high schools. In High School, the had special Science classes for all of us that had learning problems. So here I am going to these special class, but am doing good math and history. I am so grateful that I had a mother that would proof read everything that I wrote. And also grateful for the typewriter than computers. I hated hand writing things out, and I still do. My hand writing looks like chicken scratch, and somethings I can not read what I wrote. So in Junior High, I was typing all my reports. At 16 I had a computer and did all my work on there.
My mission was no help. As a missionary you are to fill out weekly reports. I think that in the 2 years that I served I have maybe 20 reports in all. And writing home was not any better. We were to write home once a week and to do it on our Prep day or P-Day. Most of the time I did not get this done. I am glad I had a small family, but I did send out a letter each week. My friend Derek, made it easier. He would send me a cassette tape. So most of the time walking to the area, I was listening to his tape and could answer back right when the thought was there.
I get back and go to college. I get into a history class that when you do the test, it is 100 multiple choice questions and a essay for 15 points. This was easy. I could blow off the essay all together because I knew I would do good on the multiple choice test. And I was right, and I got a C out of the class. By the time I got to Arizona State, it got tougher. One class asked for 15 short answer questions. That was not hard, but I had to really watch my hand writing, and was really slow at it. I got myself myself in trouble, when I had a class that the test was one essay. Well I failed the first test, went to the teacher to see what he was looking for and on the last test I get better and past the class.
So here I am with out a real good job right now. I see the jobs that I like, but they require you to write reports. This scares me. I don't think I can do it. I am afraid of being found out as a fraud.
So after a little time of thinking of what to do, to relieve the mental strand that I had, the choice was a blog. A blog more for me than the reader. Too relieve the stress, but to also help me in my writing. To prove that I can do it.
Great job! Keep it up! I love this blog and feel like I am back in your life a little bit! You've been like a son to me, so I'm glad to be able to see how you're doing. I know your going through some tough times right now, but don't forget, so did I. I did have your Mom to lean on though and you don't, so, lean on me and your other friends for support. I blog, once in a while, but mine is girlie stuff....but if you'd like I can share a cookie recipe with you, or maybe better yet, I could just make you some cookies!!
ReplyDeleteCookies would be nice. I do have one friend that I lean on a lot. At times I feel like I lean on him too much and I don't want to wreck his marriage either.
ReplyDelete