Mourning the lose of a parent.

As I got on my Facebook page today, I say that a friend of mine was talking about missing her mom, who would have been 63 today ( April 11).  I did not know now, that she had lost her mom when she was about 13.  I have a hard time understanding the pain that one would have losing a parent at such a young age.  I lost my mother just a little over 2 years ago, and I still cry about it today.  So when do we really get over a lose of a parent?

For me it started March 15th, of 2011.  I had been called to the hospital, where I meet my dad, and we meet with the doctor.  She showed us my mother's lungs, that looked like Swiss cheese.  We knew that the out look was not good, but did not know how the doctors were going to proceed.  I went in and spent a few hours with my mom.  A few hours later, I get a call from my sister (I think) and she tells me that the cancer doctor had been there and had given my mom just a few weeks to live.  I sat there dumb funded and did not really know how to react.  So back to the hospital me and my wife went.  Spending just a little more time with her.

I showed earlier to the hospital the next day, to let my dad run some earns that he needed to do.  As I set there, Daniel Hatch showed up.  And we spent the time talking about the old times.  As we sat there talking, many people came in to visit.  Many from work, and some neighbors.  Mom looked great and by looking at her, you would have thought nothing was wrong with her. Around noon, Jayme, me and my dad where there to talk to the Hospice person.  We went over the details of where she was going and what her care was going to be like while there.  Mom made all the decisions.  By that time she was tired and it would be a few hours before they moved her to Hospice.

I saw that this as time for me to go and get something to eat, and get some work done at my parents house.  At this time Jayme was moving to Dallas for work and had gotten us and my parent webcams.  My job for that night was to set up the webcam at my parents.  About this time I get call from my friend Del Mar, who asked how I was doing and if there was anything he could do for me.  Our wives had gone to the temple that night, so he offered to buy me dinner at In and Out.  About  the time I am heading over to Del Mar's, my dad calls and tells me that they are heading over to the Hospice and that my mom was not doing very well.  I dismissed this, because I had been with her all day, and told him, I would go see her in the morning.

I had not been over at Del Mar's more then half an hour, when I got the call from my sister that my mom had gotten worse and that I need to get there as fast as I could.  The only direct route to the hospice was down Main Street.  I had to fight construction most of the drive there.  As I got to the door my sister meet me, and told me that I had just missed her.  I went in and see her lying there peacefully on the bed.

The next few days, were full of making plans for the funeral, and calling people.  My dad decided that I was to do the program, the obituary, and I also had to give a talk, with my sister.  Those days were hard, but I do not remember crying at all at that time. Was I in shock at the events?  Was I being strong  for everyone else around me?  Many people do not know what we had to deal with, when it came to my dad. Because some who will read this, I will not go into details about this.  So March 21st was the funeral in Mesa, and we buried her in Talyor, Arizona, on the 22nd, next to her parents.

So here we are 2 years later.  I was setting her at the computer watch T.V. when the morning show did a report about "Beauty and the Beast" playing at ASU.  As I sat there listening, it brought back memorial of the many shows, that I got to see, over the 15 years, because my mom worked for Public Events.  I think it was just few weeks before she died that we were able to take our friends the Dials, to "Shrek" the musical.  And it was really good.  But as I meet with Daniel a few days ago, a related what I had seen on T.V. and that I just sat there and cried for about 15 minutes.  Even telling him this, brought on some tears.

As I sit here now, I have a hard time typing ,because I keep on tearing up.  My mom was a lot of things for me.  I know that my wife hated it, because a lot of times the important things in my life, my mom was usually the first one I told.  If I was having a hard time with something, mom would always have an answer to the problem.  Thou the times have been ruff the past few years, and even though there was no clear answer to give, she was always supportive.

Growing up, I have seen people mourn the deaths of there parents.  I have seen some that just could not function, because of the grief they had.  I have had my brake downs from time to time, asking why she had to leave so soon.  Why we were told, she had weeks and we got a day.  But I know that I can not let this grief over take me.  I know that she would not want me to just set here and mourn her lose.

Though my crying is for other reasons these days, there are moment, when I think, man mom would have loved this or like this, and I start crying.  And I sometimes ask, why she is not her to help me fix my problems.  I can not explain why I did not cry right after her death, nor can I explain, why just a mear thought of her can send me into tears.  I don't know how long this will last, but I am glad that I do have the moments and it does not reign the day.  I guess the sad day, is when I stop forgetting about her, which I hope I will never happen.